Before  our daughter was born, I read all I could find on breastfeeding and felt confident that I could manage this " Learned Art ".  After all, the books had numerous diagrams and plenty of information from the wise ones to refer back to if I got a bit confused so all I needed now was to have our baby and all would be rosy with the world.  I was going to be like one of those pictures of the serene mother gazing into the upturned face of a contented baby suckling at her breast !.

Well our beautiful daughter arrived,  my drugged state wore off and 'birth day' fast forwarded to day two of this new life.  The real business of breast feeding began in earnest.  I was full of knowledge and well prepared ! 

Now as I get to this stage most  "mothers" who have boldly gone before me, will be smirking with tongue in cheek over that last paragraph.  You know all that reading I did - that confidence I felt ?  Out the proverbial window it flew the moment this tiny, wrinkled, red faced being clamped onto my poor unsuspecting nipple !!

I kid you not - this daughter of mine had jaws like a vice and for a minute I was sure she was the spawn of Superman !!

The nurses were wonderful and every couple of hours without fail, night and day, this "set of jaws" would be passed to me and the agony would manifest all over again. 

I was assured that my nipples would " toughen up " and each nurse who attended to my nightmare would practically stand on their heads to make sure proper attachment had occured.  "Trust me" I said to them. "I know she is on!!"  I had the mangled nipples to prove the point.

To make matters more uncomfortable, when day three hit, my milk flow could have fed the entire hospital nursery and my breasts had taken on monumental proportions !! "Breastfeeding will improve when I go home" I told myself and I was determined to stick it out.  I'd gone through hell to have this dear child, so armed with a variety of creams to 'soothe and heal' off we went home.

For the next four months I endured endless bouts of mastitis where my bras were constantly filled with cabbage leaves and my nipples just were not going to toughen up ! 

I did  "day stays " at my local nursing mothers clinic, the best thing for a new mum who has not got one clue about what she is doing but even after all the help I received, I was still no closer to mastering breastfeeding.  I make light of it now but at the time I felt like the biggest failure and I cried rivers.  I really felt I was letting my daughter down because I was getting to the stage where I literally dreaded her waking up and wanting a feed.  It really was very sad.

I remember a dear friend visiting our mad house at the end of month four.  I was in awe of her because she is one of those women who could hammer nails with her nipples and was able to breastfeed from day one without any drama.  What I really wanted to do was to launch myself across the room and hit her because she could "do it".

I decided there and then enough was enough.  I figured I'd given it my best and I was no longer going to subject our daughter to an emotional wreck of a mother. 

 Well I'm here to tell you that miracles do happen.  Whether it was because I finally stopped beating myself up over not being the perfect mother and was at peace at last, I'll never really know but my miracle came in the form of an Avent Isis Breast Pump.  I had nothing to lose, everything to gain and gain I did !!  It was not easy at first and all I'd get was a dribble but after a short while I started to get the " let downs " happening and before I knew it, I would have a full bottle of milk ready for the next feed.  The relief I cannot describe except it was sheer bliss to give my nipples a break. 

For ten whole days I expressed each feed, six, seven times a day, but once a day I'd do a normal breastfeed.  My nipples healed and for the first time since our daughter was born, I started to enjoy breastfeeding. 

From then on I enjoyed the most precious time with my daughter and I'm proud of my achievement.  I successfully breastfed until my daughter turned thirteen months and do you know that in the end I actually dreaded closing the door on the most intimate bonding experience of my life.  I cried and cried when that little mouth latched on for the last time but only for a second.  She pushed away from my nipple, looked up at me as if to say sorry and shook her head " No " . We both knew this was the last time and for me it was bittersweet.  My baby was growing up and it was time to move onto the next  "chapter" but for nine glorious months I was that raptuous mother in that beautiful picture - the one breastfeeding her contented child and loving every minute of it.

Breastfeeding is a personal choice and I believe you should do what your heart tells you.  For me, sticking to it was what I wanted to do.  I was not forced into it and I would have been supported no matter what my decision, both by family and by the medical profession.  There are wonderful support groups available.  Don't give up too soon if you feel strongly about breastfeeding.  Give it a go because the final reward is a true joy that really cannot be fully described.  Yes it can hurt and there can be frustration and tears but on the scale of things in life, breastfeeding takes up such a short amount of time and your baby grows up all too soon.  I wonder where my tiny bundle has gone......

seems like yesterday........

Breast pump featured in article - The Avent Isis Breast Pump.